Small Humans, Big Feelings: My Approach to Counselling Kids and Teens

If you've ever tried to get a straight answer out of a seven-year-old about their day, you already know: kids don't always tell you what's going on. Not because they're hiding it — but because they often don't have the words for it yet.

Teenagers are a different puzzle entirely. They usually do have the words. They just may

not want to hand them over to you, the parent, on a Tuesday night at the dinner table.

Both of these things are developmentally expected. And both are things I consider in how I work with young people.

Kids Communicate Differently Than We Expect

There's an unspoken assumption that if something is bothering a child, they'll say so. In

reality, kids often show us before they tell us. A sudden change in sleep. A stomach ache before school. A meltdown that seems way too big for the moment that triggered it.

With younger kids especially, I lean on play, art, and simple, low-pressure activities rather than direct questions. A game of Connect Four can tell me more about a child's frustration tolerance than an hour of "so, how are you feeling?" ever could.

Teens Need Something Different — And That's Okay

By the time kids hit adolescence, the approach has to shift. Teenagers are building independence, and part of that means pulling away from adults — including well-meaning parents. That's not a red flag. That's development doing its job.

What I try to offer teens is a space that isn't home and isn't school — somewhere they don't have to manage anyone else's feelings about what they're going through. I'm not there to report back on every detail, and I'm not there to lecture. I'm there to help them figure out what's actually true for them, what they’re feeling and how they can cope, underneath the pressure to have it all together.

Big Transitions Hit Kids Harder Than We Sometimes Realize

Separation. A move. A new school. A blended family. Adults tend to process these transitions as logistical problems to solve. Kids process them as their whole world shifting under their feet — often without the coping tools or life experience to make sense of it.

I spend a lot of time in this work helping kids and teens name what's actually changed for them, separate from what the adults around them are managing. Sometimes a child isn't upset about the divorce itself — they're upset that they don't know which parent's house has their favourite stuffed animal this week. Both things matter. Neither is "too small."

Safety Comes Before Everything Else

When trauma, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts are part of what a young person is carrying, nothing else happens until safety is established. That's not a formality — safety is the foundation of life and counselling, every time.

This means going slowly. It means not forcing a child or teen to talk before they're ready, while still making sure the adults around them have what they need to keep them safe. It's a balance I take seriously, session by session.

Growth Isn't Always Visible Right Away

Just like a garden in early spring, a lot of the important work with kids and teens happens beneath the surface, long before there's anything to see. A quieter week isn't a setback. A teenager who still won't open up after three sessions isn't a failure — trust takes the time it takes.

Parents often want to know things are "working." Sometimes progress looks like fewer meltdowns. Sometimes it looks like a teenager finally rolling their eyes at me instead of shutting down completely — which, believe it or not, is a win.

When Is the Right Time to Reach Out?

A common question I get from parents in Squamish is: "Is this serious enough to need counselling, or should we wait and see?"

There's no single right answer — it depends on where your family is:

If things feel hard right now:

• Counselling can offer immediate support and a safe space to process anxiety, low mood, trauma, or a difficult transition.

• You don't need to wait for a crisis to reach out — especially if there's any mention of self-harm or suicide.

If things feel manageable, but something feels "off":

• Counselling can be proactive, helping your child build coping tools before things escalate.

• Kids and teens often do their best work when they're not already in crisis.

Prompt to reflect: What kind of support would actually feel helpful for your family right now — without overthinking it?

A Gentle Note for Parents

You don't need a perfect explanation, a diagnosis, or a fully formed sense of what's "wrong" before reaching out. You just need the sense that something deserves a closer look — and a professional to help you figure out what to do next.

Kids and teens are always growing, even in the seasons where it's hard to see. Sometimes counselling is simply about giving that growth a little more room, and a little more support, than it's currently getting.

If you've been sitting with a "should we look into counselling" thought for your child or teen, that's usually a good enough reason to reach out.

Book a counselling session with Inner Sphere Wellness and give your child or teen a space that's just for them.

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